that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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