Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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