she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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