how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
These tits shall not be calmed
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
