Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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