why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
