this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
