I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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