I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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