i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
