we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
