Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Drunk is a universal language darling
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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