By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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