I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
