you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
