we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
