She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
