I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
