I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
