also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
