i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize