Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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