we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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