He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
