Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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