do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
