Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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