i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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