Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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