shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
