why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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