I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I pour the whiskey from now on
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
