he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
