i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
