I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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