I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
