margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
