alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize