i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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