i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
