im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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