wanna go halves on a baby?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I've blown a few things in my day
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
