I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He passed out mid-signature
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
