My liver just broke up with me...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Randomize
