How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
