if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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