the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
