Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
