This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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