May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Church boner. Awkwardddd
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
