Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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