The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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