erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
are you so shy because you have an std?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
