im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize