The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He better not be in your backpack
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
