I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
