Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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