dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
