Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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