Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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