His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
