so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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