my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
