Will you blow on my dice?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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