Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
