i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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