Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
