just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
