New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
