my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
