I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
