My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize